Sometimes I still kick myself for ever asking her out.
I won't generalise anything and just speak from my experience and understanding.
I know more or less when someone is interested in me or has the potential to be interested in me. I don't delude myself with the idea that someone will respond to my advances positively if I exude the right amount of confidence or any of that bullshit. People are right; people respond to confidence. I'm not confident, so if anyone was to like me, it'd be for other reasons.
I knew she would say "no". I knew it, in every fibre of my being. So why did I do it? I hate failure. I dislike knowing that I've done something and have nothing to show for it. So why? If I didn't learn from the experience, it's my loss. Exactly. Loss. I hate losing. So?
I don't ask women out because I don't want to get rejected and so I don't get rejected by never asking them out.
But I did this one time, and do I feel more confident about it? Like I learned to ride the bike without the training wheels? No, because all I can think about is that I fell and scraped my knees and elbows and have ugly scars now and I'm snotty and crying and it hurts.
In any case, the woman I asked out was very decent about it.
"I'm looking for friendship".
I don't have any hard feelings about that-- I respect that decision.
Just it sucks when I have to think that I've spent all this time envisioning the scenario where I finally muster up that shit-courage and that someone is someone I knew, deep down, was never going to give me the time of day.
I got tired of being a coward.
However, this experience has given me no good feelings. If anything, I have some kind of anger in me now. And a terrible attitude. I've been embarrassed enough by asking out someone who walks straight past me sometimes just to prove something to myself.
So what did I learn about myself at the end of everything?
I'd say "no" to me too.
just my two cents, no intentional creepiness (i worry offending you since the topic is quite personal)
ReplyDeletehttp://xkcd.com/458/ people regret not doing things more than doing them, you wouldn't feel better if you didn't ask her out. i'll even go as far as saying you did the right thing, and that taking a step forward towards your goal is what this life is. you're a wonderful young woman (ok i think we're on the border of creepiness now. let's just say i really admired your ability to write lengthy reviews, for having 1) the intellectual tools and 2) the dedication to write them.) and you deserve happiness just as much as anyone else. i'm bleak, i cannot find joy in the stationary, creating goals and moving towards them at least helps. maybe that's why i'm fixed on "taking steps forward", and maybe i'm wrong, or maybe just you're different, but as i said, my two cents.
until next time, have fun with life!
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Hey.
ReplyDeleteI probably am not one to tell you this, since I've never had a girlfriend in my life, but I still feel like I should.
I know you felt like shit, and feel like no matter how hard you try it'll never work out. No-one will go for you, you can't even work up the courage to tell someone half the time. I know how that is, the farthest I've gotten with a girl I liked was I told her I thought she was cute, just a little bit before I moved to a new town. I realize it'll be even harder for you, being female and all, but I just want you to know: You should keep trying.
We human beings have the problem of needing a lot of experience in something before we can be good at it. In an anime, your first love usually works out and you can pilot a complicated robot without training. In real life, things don't work out for you unless you've done them several times. This means that you will often get hurt. But in order to succeed and become a better person, everyone needs to go through pain and loss. You play videogames, right? It's like when you beat a really tough boss that kicked your ass six ways to sunday.
What you've done is you've gained some experience points. Eventually, if you grind enough, maybe you'll Level Up. Or, you could do what I've done so far and not even bother trying to fight the slimes. Either way, the only way to reach the Final Boss is to risk getting killed. One step a time, as they say. You made the first step, are you going to make the next?
Oh, and one more thing, if it helps: If I was a woman, I'd probably say yes to you. ;_;